07 February 2010

Sarah Palin Galvanizes Throng of Turdlock Teabagging Testiculi

Sarah Palin's inspirational speech to the huge hord, the thriving throng, the sizable swarm of tens of tens of Tea Baggers at the first national tea party convention yesterday at the Gaylord [yes, Gaylord] Hotel in Nashville received a rousing welcome from the thriving Turdlock Teabag Patridiots, all seven of whom have called for a revolution against government restrictions on their First Amendment rights.

Richard Ballzack, 'Dick' to his friends, Founder of the Turdlock Teabag Patridiots says that membership in his group has doubled since Palin's speech. "We were but a few testiculi and now we are a multitude." Ballzack's group has started a signature campaign in Turdlock to force President Obama and Congress to adopt the following language to ensure teabagging is enshrined into the Bill of Rights:

Congress shall make no law prohibiting the free exercise or abridging the right of the people peaceably to assemble and to dangle their ball sacks over and into one another's faces.

Ballzack has also called for common ground with other like-minded, grassroots Teabag-loving groups in Stanislaus County. "The Teabag Movement is meant to bring together all of 'We The People,'" he said. "Our movement is based on the philosophy of Roman law and in particular on the Latin legal principle of 'Testis unus, testis nullus', meaning 'one witness equals no witness'. In other words, we must stand together, united as one People. We the testiculus, the testiculi, two glands, side by side, must stand up against governmental tyranny."

Ballzack believes that the Teabag movement must start by uniting the extremes of the grassroots movements in Turdlock and nationwide from the conservative religious zealots on the right to the liberal homo-fascists on the left. "We like teabagging, they like teabagging. My name is Dick, they like dick. We like Mike Savage, they like Dan Savage. Why can't we all just get along? As Tea Party Nation so adeptly put it, we must stand up and dangle our testiculi over one another to 'quench our thirst for freedom.'"

No comments: