31 January 2010

Ask not what your Turdlock can do for you but what you can do for your Turdlock

Alex Cantatore's January 12th article in the Turlock Journal, "Turlock humdrum," is a much-welcome Kennedy-style call to action for Turdlockers. Cantatore begins by stating the obvious: "I hate to admit it, but the City of Turlock has a well-deserved reputation as being, well, a bit boring." His Saturday evening quest for adventure and entertainment ends in disappointment with the tacit acceptance of "just how vapid" the Turlock recreational landscape is.

"We have no bowling alleys, go-kart tracks, arcades, driving ranges, laser tag, late-night coffee shops, or 24-hour doughnut shops in the City of Turlock ... The town at one time had a bowling alley, but it closed. We had a driving range. Heck, we even had a gelato shop. But they exist no more."

The only conclusion he could come to, he says, "was that the citizens of Turlock are to blame. We must be inherently boring people."

But Cantatore challenges us all regarding our municipal apathy: "what everyone else in town seems to think, but fails to act upon." And he accepts his share of responsibility for Turdlock's podunk status. "I’ve decided to take a certain level of responsibility for my own boredom." His first step in our collective 12-step recovery was to start a pick-up lacrosse game in town with a group of friends. "We just saw some highlights on the Internet and decided to give it a go. Plus, the portmanteau 'Turlacrosse' is simply too good to pass up."

Yes, we can!

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